Thoughts
by wolf and dragon girl
Summary: something happend to Kai. can Ray help him. KR (I'm no good in summary)
1. 1

Stupid ff.net had deleted my account so that's why I'm posting this again. My former account was wolfy girl.  
  
It's a Kai/Ray paring (yaoi) don't like it don't read it Maybe a little bit OOC  
  
Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN BEYBLADE. This is stupid if I did this wouldn't be a fan fiction.  
  
' Thinking' "Saying" ~^~^Flashback~^~^  
  
Thoughts  
  
It was a quite night. The moon was high up in the sky and the stars where shinning bright. There in the park was a lonely boy. His two shade's of blue hair locks where dancing lightly in the wind. His red eyes were blank. On his pale cheeks where blue painted triangles. With is hands in his pockets he walked through the park deep in is own thoughts about what happened earlier that day. 'How could I be so stupid. How could I hurt him so much.'  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^  
  
I'm walking through the mall with a beautiful raven-haired boy beside me. His catlike eyes where full of joy. I take his hand in mine. "Ray," I say. Ray looks at me. "Yes Kai," he say. I lay my hands on his waist. Not caring where I am, I bent forward and claim his lips with my own. Ray almost kisses back directly. I feel his arms around my neck. I ran my tongue over his bottom lip. Seeking for permission to enter. He opened his mouth. I explored every inch of his mouth. He moaned of pleasure. Eventually I broke the kiss for air. I'm still holding Ray while he lays his head on my shoulder. "I love you, Kai," he whispered in my ear. I don't know why, but I let go of him and take a few steps backwards. I look in his golden orbs. "I . I can't do this," I say. Quickly I turn around and run away. Not wanting to look back at Ray to see how much I hurt him. No I keep on running.  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^  
  
Kai sighed. 'Why did I hurt him so much?' A tear came from his eye. 'Why do I have so much trouble of telling what I feel. I do love him, don't I? I love to be with him and his kisses are wonderful. I can't get enough of it. Is that it? Is he just a lust object? No it can't be. Aaaaaargh why is love difficult. Kai was so deep in his own thoughts that he didn't notice some one was following him  
  
(Ray's POV)  
  
I'm laying in my bed, but can't sleep. Starring at the sealing I can hear the snoring of Tyson in the other room. I look at the empty bed beside me. Kai is still not back yet. There where already five hours past since Kai left by the mall. 'Why did I have to be so stupid to ruin the perfect moment. Finally Kai was opening up. I mean in the past Kai would never kiss me in public. I couldn't aspect that he a medially would feel the same as me. He only told me a month ago that he liked me. How could I aspect he already loved me. O why did I had the open my big mouth. I ruined the perfect moment. Why is he still not back. It's all my fault. What if he got lost. What if he is wounded. What if he in danger. What if he de. No Ray don't think like that,' I couldn't stand my own thoughts. Sleeping was impossible now. I decide to go look for Kai. Quickly I got out of bed. Put on my traditional Chinese outfit. Burst my long raven hair, put it in a neat ponytail and warped a piece of white cloak round it. Put on my red bandana with a yin yang symbol on it. Silently I walked out of the room, trying not to wake the others. Out of the apartment, where we stayed on this moment, I walked towards the park. I know Kai loves to be there. It was cold and I forgot to take my coat with me. After a few rounds trough the park I still didn't had found Kai. I walked for hours trough the city. Still nothing. 'Maybe he's already back at the apartment and am I looking for nothing.' I run as fast as I could to the apartment. Kai's and my room was empty. Kai was nowhere to be found. Tired and sad Ray climbed back in to bed. The room was cold and quite. Just before I fall asleep I cloud feel something against my cheek. To tired to react I fell asleep.  
  
TBC?  
  
So is it any good? Should I post another part or just leave it like this? Please tell me. 


	2. 2

If there are a lot of mistakes please tell me so I can correct them.  
  
It's a Kai/Ray fic.  
  
If you want to see the disclaimer you can see it in the first part.  
  
"talking"  
  
'Thinking'  
  
~^~^Flashback~^~^  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Thoughts part 2: What I'm I thinking?  
  
(Kai's pov)  
  
I felt a hand on my shoulder. A little bit scared I stand still. "What is a pretty boy like you doing all lone in the park on this hour." I hear a husky voice saying, "That can be dangerous." I want to look behind me but before I can turn around I feel a hard blow on his head. I fell on the ground. Before I gave in the darkness I heard the husky voice laughing.  
  
I slowly opened my eyes. My head was hurting and my image was blurry. It took awhile before I was seeing clear again. Then I realized some cloths. I was lying in the bushes. As a piece of trash. Useless after been used. Fast I put on my missing cloths I found not far away of me and ran back to the apartment. When I was almost there I saw Ray running before me. Quickly I hide in an alley nearby. Not wanting Ray to see me like this. When he was out of sight I walked further to the apartment. When I entered our room I saw Ray already lying in bed. On his cheeks I saw tears. Carefully I made them dry. After that I took a shower. I washed myself a few times. Quietly to not wake up Ray. After the shower I put on my tee shirt and boxers and climbed in to my bed. I feel a sleep at once.  
  
(Ray's pov)  
  
I woke up at the sound of running water. I look around me. I see that Kai's bed's messy. That means Kai's back! I'm happy about that. The sound of running water stops. Quickly I get out of bed and walk to the bathroom. There's Kai standing in front of the mirror with only a towel around his waist, painting his blue triangles on his cheeks. "Why do you always put those things on your cheeks?" Ray asked suddenly. Kai who hadn't noticed I was there quickly turned around. I chuckle a little bit. "What?" Kai asked confused. "Your right cheek is totally blue," I say laughing. Kai looked in the mirror and smiled. I took a washing-glove and cleaned both of Kai cheeks. "You should forget about them once," I said after I was done. "Okay but then you then you must leave your hair down," Kai answered. I put my arms around his neck and gave a loudly kiss on his cheek. Kai looked surprised. "Aren't you mad about yesterday?" he asked. "No I was just to pussy," I answered and laid my head on to his naked chest. "No I was a jerk," Kai said. "A cute jerk," I joked.  
  
(Kai's pov)  
  
'What's wrong with me? Here I am with Ray in my arms and he's not mad on me. Why can't I just forget about yesterday and be happy with Ray. Why did he pick me? Why did he have to be there? Why did he do this to me? No don't think about it you're with Ray now. I feel so dirty. I'm not good enough for Ray. I'm dirty used thing.' A hand waved before my eyes. "Hello! Kai are you still there," Ray said. "Sorry just thinking about something." I said and walk out of the bathroom. Quickly I put on my cloths before Ray entered the room. "Let's go eat some breakfast before Tyson eats everything we got," I said. Ray nodded and got dressed. As promised he let down his hair. We walked together towards the kitchen. Kenny, as usually, was typing on his laptop at the dinner table. "good morning Chief," Ray said cheerful. "Good morning Ray, Kai," Kenny said tiredly. He properly worked all night long. "Hnpf," I said and sat on a chair. Ray went to the firth to get stuff for breakfast. After a while he put down three plates with pancakes. Silently we began to eat. After a few seconds Tyson came in with a drooling mouth. "Do I smell food?!" he asked. "Sorry Tyson I'm eating now. You have to make some one your own." Ray said and took a bite. "where's Max?" "I'm here," Max answered sleepy as he walked in to the kitchen. I saw Tyson stealing Kenny's pancakes, who was to busy to notice, and began to eat it hastily. Max was eating some cereals. After Tyson was finished with Kenny's pancakes he tried to steal mine. This time I didn't say anything about it. I was to deep in my own thoughts. 'Why did it have to happen to me? Why didn't I stayed with Ray or went strait to the apartment. I don't wan to think about it any more. I wished it never happed to me. Should I tell Ray or not. He probably will think I'm a dirty used thing. No Ray would never think that. He probably feel sorry for me. I don't want that. No this is my problem and not Ray's. So he don't have to bother about it. He's such a good person and I'm a dirty used thing I'm not good enough for him. I would only hurt him. I can't even tell him I love him.' I stand up from the table and run to my room. I can hear Ray shout my name. I lock the door and tears fall from my eyes.  
  
TBC  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Yeah part two is finished! It's a little bit longer than the first one. So what do you think? Good enough to continue. Please review and tell me what you think. 


	3. 3

It's maybe a little bit OOC. I don't know actually. But I just say it before I get flames about it.  
  
I'm not going to type the disclaimer. If you wanna read it it's in the first part.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Thoughts Part 3: Pain inside of me "Kai, please open up," Ray said trough the door of their bedroom. "Please let me talk to you. I want to know what's wrong with you. Please open up," Kai didn't answer. Ray sighed and gave up. "Kai if you want to talk with me just say it. I'll be nearby." He said before he walked away to the living room where the others where. "And?" Max asked. Ray sat down on the sofa and had a worried look on his face. "Does this mean no training?" Tyson asked a little bit happy. Ray glared had him. "Ow" Tyson said. 'What's wrong with Kai.' Ray thought. 'He's acting a bit strange ever since I woke up. What happened yesterday? It had the do with yesterday. Was it me or was it something that happened after he left at the mall. Why doesn't he tell me? I wished he trusted me. I can't stand it to see my love this much hurt. I can't just sit here and do nothing.' "Ray, Ray, RAY!" Tyson yelled. Ray snapped out of his thoughts. "Everything all right?" Max asked. Ray nodded. "I'm going to try talking with Kai again," he said. Ray stood up and walked out of the room. "Good luck," he could hear Kenny saying. When he was at his and Kai's room he knocked. "Kai it's me, Ray." Ray said. No answer. "Kai it's my room too. You can't lock yourself up the whole day. You have to come out eventually. I'm just going to wait here until you open up the door." Ray snapped. After a while he heard some sounds behind the door.   
  
(Kai POV)   
  
"Kai, please open up," I hear Ray saying on the other side of the door. 'Please Ray, just leave.' I try not to make any sound. Biting on my fist to hold back my sobs. "Please let me talk to you." Tears are running down my cheeks. "I want to know what's wrong with you." 'I can't tell you. You wouldn't understand.' "Please open up." 'It hurts to much.' There's a silence. "Kai if you want to talk with me just say it. I'll be nearby." I hear Ray walk away. When his footsteps disappear I let lose some sobs. 'This hurts so much. I can't stand my self for you worrying so much. But what happened yesterday was terrible.' I shiver. Not wanting to see the flashbacks again. I saw them for my eyes like a bad dream. They come like flashes. Every one worse then the other. Opening my eyes Bound to a tree The man kissing my skin Removing my pants And. I snapped out of the memories by someone knocking on the door. (AN: My fingers couldn't type any further with the memories. If you want to know what happened further use our imagination.)I was relieved that I didn't have to see the last part again. But still knowing they wouldn't leave my mind. "Kai it's me, Ray" I hear. 'No Ray, don't you understand that I can't talk to you. Not when I'm like this.' "Kai, it's my room to. You can't lock yourself up the whole day. You have to come out eventually. I'm just going to wait here until you open up the door." I know he's right. I looked at the mirror and tried to look like nothing happened. Then I walked towards the door and unlocked it. Slowly the door opened and Ray walked in. "What's wrong Kai?" he asked. "Nothing, I just fell asleep," I lied. 'O man this hurts so much.' I could see in Ray's eyes that he didn't believe me. "Why did you leave all of sudden at the dinner table?" he asked grapping my chin so I had to look at him. I didn't know what to say when he looked at me with those golden orbs. "I. I. I." I began, "I can't tell you." Sadly Ray let go of my chin. "Forcing you to tell isn't going to help," he said walking towards the door. "I just wished you would trust me," he whispered softly. And with that he left the room. I felt like my heard was breaking.  
  
TBC  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
So what do you think? Please review. And thanks crazy Rei luva for checking my story and take out the mistakes. 


	4. 4

Thoughts part 4: suicide  
  
(Kai's pov)  
  
Pain. Pain is al I feel. Pain in my body. Pain in my heart. Pain. I can't stand it anymore. Pain. It hurt so much. Pain. It must stop. Pain. It's going stop now.  
  
(Ray's pov)  
  
I'm laying on the cough cause Kai isn't letting me in anymore. The others are all asleep in their room. 'What's Kai doing. Maybe he's sleeping.' I hear the front door opening and closing. That has to be Kai. I walk to our room. The door is open and in the room is nobody. Quickly I grab my coat and run out of the apartment. I'm afraid that something could happen to him or worse he did something to himself. I try to see were he went to. I fail. Nearby a man is standing against a wall. "Excuse me sir," I say. "Did you see a slate-haired boy? A little bit taller then me." The man nodded. "Did you know where he went to?" I ask. "The lake," he says in a husky voice. I shiver by the sound of the voice. "Thanks" I say and run as fast as I can towards the lake. I'm standing at the lake looking for Kai. Hoping with my whole hart I'm not to late. At the other side I see a figure standing. "KAI!" I yell  
  
(Kai's pov)  
  
I'm standing by the lake. The water is clam. The pain in side of me is driving me crazy. It has to stop. Nobody will miss me, not even. "KAI!" someone yells. I recognize Ray's voice. 'No Ray, I have to do this. The pain have to stop.' I jump into the lake. The pain will finally stop. Closing my eyes I feel a hand wrapping around my wrist. Pulling me out.  
  
(normal pov)  
  
Kai chocked out the water in his longs. "Why did you did that." he said. "I didn't want you to die." Ray said. "You didn't, you didn't," Kai said with anger. "Since when did you decide when I live or not. It's my live and if I want to end it you have nothing to say about it!" Ray stared to the ground. "Please Kai tell me. What's bothering you. Why do you want to kill yourself?" he asked. "The pain. I want the pain to stop." Kai answered. Ray lifted up is head and looked into Kai's eye's. "What's the cause of the pain?" he asked. "Please tell me. If you tell me I can help. You shouldn't go through this alone. I want to help you." Kai tried to hold back his tears. "I got. I got. raped," he whispered. Ray was shocked and didn't know what to say. Kai busted out of tears. He laid his head on the other boys chest. Ray warped his arms around him, trying to comfort him. "It's going to be alright." He whispered in the boy's ear. "I'm going to help you go through this." After a while Kai stopped crying. "C'mon lets go back. It's getting cold and I don't want you to be sick." Ray said and warped his coat around the older boy's shoulders. They walked to the apartment. When they were in side Kai toke a warm shower, while Ray made two cup's of tea. Silently they drank their tea. "Do you think I'm a dirty used thing?" Kai asked hardly hearable. "Of course not. You were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. C'mon lets go to bed." Ray said. They drank their last bit of tea and went to bed.  
  
^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~  
  
owkay this part kinda sucks. I know I'm losing a little bit of inspiration. If someone have some suggestions. There welcome. Just mail me. Maybe it could be some help. 


End file.
